Blogdrive's been my home on the web since my virtual conception, so it's with a fair amount of apprehension that I leave this faithful ol' gal for (maybe) greener pastures.

If anyone cares to follow: http://diaryofanightbird.blogspot.com is the spot.

I'll probably end up returning to Blogdrive. That's how it always seems to go down, but I will give Blogger a fair chance.

This is hell. This is misery. I feel like a prisoner. No, this feeling is more comparable to that of a caged animal. I guess it's my fault. I had 6 or 7 months to get my shit together, but I diddled it away.

"I gotta get in shape. Too much sitting has ruined my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long. From now on there will be 50 pushups each morning, 50 pullups. There will be no more pills, no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight."

- Taxi Driver

Well, I've been doing layouts/graphics again:









Not great. Pretty amateurish, but it's nice to be feeling semi-creative again.

Obviously whatever website names/urls that are featured in the above graphics were only added because I thought some text filler was needed. There's no affiliation whatsoever.

I finally got to see New Moon today. God, every 10 seconds there's a guy (mostly a VERY buff Taylor Lautner) taking off his shirt. Not that I'm complaining, far from it. It's nice to witness men being exploited for a change.

If you're a woman and questioning your sexual orientation, seeing New Moon will make it CRYSTAL CLEAR.

So, I guess I'm one of those annoying Twilight fangirls now. Oh, well - TEAM EDWARD!

...D.J. and I got into one of the most asinine fights ever. And it took place on MSN. It ended with him blocking me/appearing offline in a huff. More and more I feel relieved for not having slept with him.

I do find myself sort of wanting to be in a relationship lately. Maybe because Valentine's Day is a couple days away, or just cause it's been a while.

I made my POF pictures private and, of course, haven't received any messages since then. Typical.

"She romps, she squeals with delight, she leaps on to the sofa. She puts a flower stem in her mouth, puffing on a daisy as though it was a cigarette. It is an artless, impromptu, high-spirited, infectiously gay performance. It will probably end in tears."

Credit: Cecil Beaton

So he joined POF again. And this time he's uploaded a picture. He looks...good. Kind of gay. But according to his profile he's interested in girls.

I don't know. I just don't know.

So, my new self-imposed budget is going okay so far. I basically chickened out of buying KD, because I was so not feeling the pasta thing. Thus, I bought frozen mini pizzas (DELICIOUS!) - $3.99, 2 T.V. dinners - $3.99 x 2, McIntosh apples, and a jug of water. The total came to like $18. Yeah, not very healthy, but whatever.

I caved in the other day and bought some cookies. I needed something sweet and as much as I like my McIntosh apples, they just weren't cutting it. Enter Maple Leaf Creme cookies. I was exactly thrilled with purchasing said cookies. I was hoping for some Chunks Ahoy! but, alas, these looked the most appetizing out of the very slim pickings.

So now I'm down to about $15 'til Monday/Tuesday. Gulp. I guess this where good ol' Kraft Dinner comes in.

I do have a Wendy's date with M today, but I've decided not to count it. I've been pretty good this week and it's Friday, and it's not like it's going to cost that much. It'll be about $7. As long as I'm good the rest of the week, it'll be fine. I'm not thrilled to see M because she's been kind of pissing me off again, but whatevs.

It'll be good to get out.

I'm watching, or trying to watch rather, Big Brother 8 on YT. Dumb thing isn't loading. Grrr.

I'm thankful for still having a job and all, and yesterday's return to the 9-5 grind was therapeutic in way, but I'm definitely happy to just have the next few days to lounge around.

I'm starting to really PANIC about the whole money situation. Fortunately, O said I can add some extra days, which are much, much needed. Especially since I totally FUCKED(!!!!) up and ditched work on Saturday. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Today marks day 1 of my new food budget. $35 a week. I've been spending that in a single day for like the past 9 months, so this will definitely be a huge challenge. I see many a headache in my near future.

So, basically I just plan on buying some Kraft Dinners, because they're cheap. Hell, even the no name ones I'll buy, if they're in stock. I'm no princess. I'm going to try to buy the whole wheat ones, but those taste rather cardboard-y.

I was trying to look up some KD recipes to liven it up a lil 'cause a week of it will definitely get old fast. The tuna recipe piqued my interest but the whole mercury thing freaks me out so veto that. I think I've settled on alternating between cream of mushroom and cream of chicken soup and throwing in some frozen peas and carrots. Yum?

I guess I could also buy some whole wheat bread and sliced cheese and that way I can make some grilled cheese sandwiches. Hmm, can you substitute butter/margarine for olive or canola oil?

Fun times.

At least I'm alive.

Not much to say. It's been a while. I guess I've been avoiding this blog, in addition to avoiding almost every aspect of my life. I'm slipping. And I'm not sure if I care anymore, if I'm fast or strong enough to hold on.

J and I got into a screaming match in his car on Friday. He threw food and I cried. I ended up getting out of the car and walking home. He texted, saying to come back, but I was barely interested in seeing him before this whole brouhaha, so it just wasn't happening.

Saturday he sent me a series of texts detailing his life plan for me. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I guess it's nice that he somewhat cares enough to want to help. But I'm suspect of anything coming from him.

He also mentioned that he was applying to the Military Police. This was exactly the same time that I discovered that my dad's girlfriend, ol' Cuntface, had deleted me as a friend from her Facebook. Double whammy. Yes, I started crying. Again. I wanted to tell him that I love him, that I'm not interested in any other guy and he's the one for me. And it's the truth. If he asked me to marry him right this second I would. But I didn't say any of that. I'm sure he probably already knows it anyway.

Justin Bobby + Kristin = magic.

I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time...

For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn.

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.