I was feeling very restless and scattered earlier in the evening. I decided to hightail it and hit the streets for a walk. It was around the same time that up until a week ago I would leave for work. It's scary and amazing how things can flip -- for better or for worse -- in no time at all.
I feel like I'm being pushed and pulled in a million different directions. But it's not people who are demanding so much of my energy and time, it's myself, my severely fragmented, disjointed whims, curiosities and angsts. It's depression, fear, loneliness and boredom.
There's so much I'm potentially interested in pursuing that I feel completely, utterly, terrifyingly paralyzed. I'll start one thing and not even halfway through get distracted by shiny new thoughts and/or ideas and drop it. Like Greek history, astrology, manifestation, living off the grid, building my own home, electrical engineering.
It's so frustrating and I don't know what to do about it. I really envy those who have one passion and can focus on it so completely.
Posted at 11:42 pm by Nightbird