Sunday, October 04, 2015
Pros & Cons

  • Closure?
  • Rekindling
  • Happily ever after?
  • Friendship
  • Being assertive, not passive
  • Not playing games
  • Being honest and genuine
  • Grown up

  • Waiting for his response
  • Ball is in his court
  • He NEVER responds
  • Opening old wounds
  • Becoming obsessive
  • Sets the tone for the "relationship," if any, that follows
  • "Chasing" after him
  • Vulnerable
  • Opening a can of worms
  • Still seeming "interested" after all this time

What would I even say anyway?? "Oh, hey there. How's it going?" LAME!!! And I don't want to bring up the past either, because it's, well, the past. And not recent past either, but like 5 years ago. We're like practically strangers now.

"Hey, you..."

"Wow, what a surprise."

"Do you wanna grab a coffee?"

"What's up."

Posted at 12:22 pm by Nightbird

Monday, September 28, 2015

So I got a random idea to explore and write about past relationships ("The Ex Files") and was thinking about one ex in particular, who I share a friend with, who I know follows said friend on Twitter, and was en route to do a little Twitter creeping, when I discovered he had just recently started FOLLOWING ME.


Posted at 03:14 am by Nightbird

Serena = Best Movie Ever

So where the fuck is this "supermoon" at?! I sneaked outside around quarter after 10 but could see nada, save for a few stars and the odd plane. Stupid clouds.

Awww, I am crushing HARD on B. Cooper right now, guys. Had a lil marathon of his movies this weekend: Silver Linings Playbook (had already seen, of course, and one of my top ten fave movies <3), Serena (paired once again with the lovely J. Law -- loved it!!! Critics be damned!), Aloha (huuuge stinking turd) and The Place Beyond the Pines (boy, does Gosling get you right in the feels in this one).

I just love Jennifer and Bradley together. I SHIP THEM SO HARD. Seriously, they're my Hepburn and Tracy and I hope they work together again some time in the future, beyond the upcoming release of Joy (from fab director David O. Russell, the genius behind the aforementioned Silver Linings and another FANTASTIC film -- American Hustle [yes, also starring both Lawrence and Cooper!] )

Anyhoo, yeah, I'm kinda all hot and bothered for him now. And let me tell you, Serena definitely did not do anything to help matters. Sigh.

Posted at 12:18 am by Nightbird

Sunday, September 27, 2015
That View Tho

Posted at 07:06 pm by Nightbird

Tuesday, September 22, 2015
If You Choose to Be Homeless...

You will never be as committed to your social place as you once were. You will know you can leave. The traumas and terrors, and time and freedom, will be in your dreams and on your mind in the middle of work days, on social occasions, and in quiet moments. You'll know things others don't.

- "You Never Leave the Places You've Been" by Mobile Homemaker

Posted at 11:26 am by Nightbird

And I'm a Bitch

2015-09-22 03:36


You will now be routed to an agent.

Agent connected.

Agent: Thank you for contacting the Mental Health Helpline. This webchat is available for the residents of the province of Ontario, Canada. This is not a crisis service. If you are in crisis, call 911 or we can give you the local crisis number. How may I help you today?

Me: Hello

2015-09-22 03:37

Agent: hi how can i help you?

Me: I'm looking for a psychiatrist or therapist that does sliding scale

2015-09-22 03:39

Agent: i will need to get some basic information. age? gender and city?

Me: 28, F, Toronto

2015-09-22 03:41

Agent: typically there are psychiatrist connected to the hospital outpatient programs and you would not have to pay as ohip would cover it. i will need to know the hospitals closest to you?

Me: umm, i think centenary?

Agent: are you in north york?

2015-09-22 03:42

Me: no

Me: oh, scarborough general i guess would be the closest

[I legit had forgotten -- or more like subconsciously BLOCKED -- that hospital]

Me: my mother and grandfather died there tho. and i get bad anxiety being in that area

[Partially true, grandfather died there, mom was pretty much dead before being transported to there]

2015-09-22 03:44

Agent: scarborough general hospital does have a mental health outpatient program that you can connect to a pyschiatrist

Agent: do you want the contact information for there?

Me: no

2015-09-22 03:45

Me: can't i just google that anyway?

[Well, can't I]

2015-09-22 03:48

Agent: the cenetary does not have an outpatient program. toronto western does have an outpatient program. you can either have a doctor or yourself self-refer to the program. contact phone number is 416-603-5800 ext 5711

2015-09-22 03:49

Me: not very helpful. thanks for nothing

Disconnected by Client.

Chat started: 2015-09-22 03:39:36

Chat ended: 2015-09-22 03:51:45

Total time: 0:12:09

Ending session.

Posted at 03:53 am by Nightbird

Toronto Sucks

Thinking about moving to London, or another city. It's just too, too expensive here and I'm tired of living with, and cleaning up after, four other people.

So, I could stay here, get a full-time, soul-crushing job and pay some slum landlord 50% of my paycheck, or I could just get the fuck out of this hell hole of a city.

See ya.

London is pretty far, driving wise. I'm worried about Mox, of course, not myself. I don't wanna put her through anymore undue stress. She's been such a little trooper, and I don't know what I'd do without her.

We'll see, I guess...

Posted at 02:34 am by Nightbird

Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Thinking in Tongues

  • Was listening to Penn's latest podcast on my walk today and he was talking about Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, a book that I've been wanting to read for sometime, and one that Penn has just finished. Not surprisingly, it seemed to have had a profound effect on him, but when he started talking about depression and the importance of finding purpose and feeling useful with volunteering, a mission/job/goal, etc., I became a little crestfallen. I've been volunteering once a week since April and I feel as useless as ever, maybe even more useless. It makes absolute sense in theory and was something I prescribed to before practicing, but now I think maybe depression is just depression and I'm doomed to continue fighting this battle forever or until the right combination of meds come along (I've never been on meds). Or maybe I just need a new/different volunteer position...
  • I bought a shower cap and some dry shampoo
  • I'm fascinated by the whole Tumblr lifting community. And when I say fascinated, I mean deeply ambivalent: 2 parts awe & wonder, 1 part displeasure
  • I tried washing the dusty dark blue curtains in my room and one panel completely fell apart. Grrr. Awkward because they're really not "my" curtains, but the people's who I'm staying with. Thankfully, they were pretty cool and said don't worry about it when I offered to replace or reimburse. So, I now have green curtains, which I was not too thrilled at the thought of but, surprisingly, they go quite well with the other colors in my room. They kinda smell though, which defeats the whole purpose of my washing the original blue curtains in the first place, but I'm not even going to ATTEMPT to wash these ones!

Posted at 08:00 pm by Nightbird

Sunday, September 13, 2015
Current Obsessions

.high by the beach

.the bling ring

.amanda bynes spirit candle

.aladdin sane tee

Posted at 03:22 pm by Nightbird

Sunday, August 09, 2015
Crazy What You Could've Had

Posted at 01:08 am by Nightbird

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